If you think marriage is perfectly peachy ALL the time, here’s a reality check for ya – it’s not. Some of the first arguments my husband and I had as a married couple were over house decorations. He wanted dark curtains, I wanted light. He wanted a black comforter, I wanted white. He wanted to save our gift cards, I wanted to spend them. Needless to say, we eventually learned how to compromise (to some extent – we’re still learning).
We realized that we have two different outlooks on house decorations – he views them as “whatever is comfortable,” and I view them as “bringing the home together”. He just wanted our house to do its job – to be the place where we eat and sleep, but I wanted it to be homey, welcoming, and inviting. We realized that he thinks logically, and I think emotionally.
The other day we were on the phone, and my husband asked me the simplest question about what I was doing. I responded, and he asked me what seemed to be the same question again, so I responded with the same answer. We probably repeated ourselves four times before we eventually hung up slightly annoyed. Later that day we brought up that conversation, and we realized that I had heard a COMPLETELY different question through the phone than what he meant to ask, and he had heard a COMPLETELY different answer than what I meant to give.
When people say, “there are two sides to every story,” they’re absolutely right, especially when it comes to marriage. Both of these situations are prime examples of how men and women see and hear differently, and that’s completely okay.
Women see and hear pink, and men see and hear blue.
It’s just a fact. My husband and I read about this in the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (which I also mentioned in this post). The author emphasizes that men have blue glasses and blue hearing aids, and women have pink – meaning we can see or hear the exact same thing, but have opposite interpretations. He also pointed out the fact that men think logically, and women think emotionally. I guess God just decided to hardwire our brains to work in dissimilar ways, and that’s okay too. Honestly, sometimes I do need a good logical, fact-filled, slap in the face response (metaphorically of course), and sometimes my husband needs to hear a sympathetically, intuitively, or emotionally driven response. So why am I telling you this?
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” – James 1:19
Think about it – if everyone practiced these perfectly, arguments probably wouldn’t exist at all. Since any type of relationship between two people requires communication, we should put forth extra effort to heed to the following steps: 1) acknowledge and accept the reality that you think and interpret things differently, 2) show grace and forgiveness when either one of y’all is lacking in one of the three areas the author of James points out, and 3) work on communicating in the other person’s language.
With almost 9 months under our belts, my husband and I are far from experts on marriage, but this is just a tidbit of what we have learned about each other so far. We hope that this will help to strengthen your relationships as well!
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April 26, 2017 at 9:44 am
Great article. I really enjoyed this insight to things I need to be reminded of.
April 26, 2017 at 11:09 am
Thank you!
April 26, 2017 at 9:47 am
[…] a completely different way, which is absolutely and completely 100% true. (I wrote about this in my “Pink vs. Blue” […]
April 26, 2017 at 10:33 am
Sydney,
This is Andi Pastore, you and Mason stayed with us while you were going through Merge. We were so sorry to miss your wedding.
I have been reading your blog and every time I do I think Wow Sydney is so wise beyond her years. You are incredibly gifted as a writer and so spiritually mature.
Paul and I have been married 37 years! And we still see in Pink and Blue, now we can actually just laugh at each other because can anticipate how the other one is thinking.
However, we did not learn this in our first 9 months of marriage! It has taken us a lot longer. I’m just so impressed that you and Mason are learning these valuable insights at such an early stage in your marriage. You two are adorable and I am really enjoying reading your writings. That Mason is a lucky man!!
Much love to you both!
ANDI PASTORE
ACCOUNTANT
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April 26, 2017 at 11:10 am
Thank you, that means a lot! We’re surrounded by a lot of wise couples, which definitely helps!
June 1, 2017 at 9:26 am
Alot of my friends are in their early to mid 20’s and have either gotten married or having a baby and they make it so glamorous on social media and I have always wondered why they make it look so easy. But I love this post because it shows the patience & maturity two ppl need to have in a marriage:)
Nikki O.
herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com
June 1, 2017 at 9:47 am
Thank you! That’s so true – I like to think of social media as a scrapbook. You’re only going to post your favorite pictures, right? But that can sometimes lead to false assumptions, thinking someone’s life is so perfect, and often desiring what they have. I love when people are able to humble themselves and show the real sides of life, too.
June 18, 2017 at 10:29 pm
Beautiful article! This is so true! Dave and I have been married going on 4 years and I can tell you we definitely think differently. also- love the book! Really great couples book! Another awesome book/ the five love languages- you both should read that together too!
June 19, 2017 at 8:42 am
Thank you! I’ve heard great things about the love languages book, too. We’ll have to read it sometime!
June 22, 2017 at 12:51 pm
Yes! It is great! Another awesome read is Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge! So good! ❤️❤️
August 16, 2017 at 8:55 am
[…] A few tiffs have come up because of this, but I’ve learned that it’s best to just let the small things go and pick your battles. What we’ve found that works for us is to settle on a compromise, then trust that the other will stay true to their word and act on it to meet in the middle. However, we can’t just say we’ll “let it go,” but we have to truly forgive whatever happened and forget about it, otherwise we’ll end up with little foxes in our vineyard. […]
November 16, 2017 at 12:43 pm
I loved reading this article. I read Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book Love & Respect shortly before my husband and I got married and was filled with these wonderful insights, but I find it all too easy to shove them to the back of my mind and forget about them. It’s nice to be reminded again of them! I think I’ll have to pull that book out of the bookshelf and read it again, I feel as if this is an area where there is no such thing as too much knowledge. 🙂
November 16, 2017 at 6:52 pm
Yes! If your husband hasn’t read it, I highly recommend y’all read it together next time! If I had all the time in the world I would read it over and over.