I wrote the first part of this while I was pregnant and never finished it, but I want to share it today, because I still catch myself wishing away the present for whatever may or may not lie ahead.
When I was single, I wanted to be dating; when I was dating, I wanted to be engaged; when I was engaged, I wanted to be married. Once I got married, next I wanted a dog, then a baby. Now that I’m pregnant, I cannot wait for our little girl to be here. If you’re anything like me, you’re always looking forward to the next step of whatever season of life you’re in.
But why rush it? We should make the most of where we are now, because we’ll never get these moments back. It’s as if we’re in such a hurry to wish away the past, and sometimes even the present, for a future we cannot guarantee. Something I constantly have to remind myself is this: plans will change and things will go wrong. I will get lost on the path I had for my own success, but you know what? It’s okay. God’s timing is perfect, and he’s the one ultimately in control.
Whenever someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always, “to be a mom,” and now here I am: eight weeks away. One day the questions of anxiety started rolling in my mind: “What if I can’t do this? What if I’m not good enough?” They’re the same questions I’d felt prior to getting married or graduating college.
A little human is going to be relying on me to live, helplessly trusting in me. I was hit with a wave of mild panic, and even more questions: What if I mess up? What if I don’t have enough patience or energy? What if I’m a bad mom?
When I get these anxious questions and feelings, I do my best to turn to the Lord and ask for help or guidance, and he ALWAYS provides, whether I see it in the moment or not. A few weeks after Dolly Jean was born, I was looking through my notes and found this:
In the book Love Does, Bob Goff writes “but I know this: when Jesus invited us on an adventure, he shapes who we become with what happens along the way.”
And then the next day I read the following verse out of Esther:
“You were made for such a time as this.” – v. 4:14
This is MY life that God created specifically for ME. “This” doesn’t mean having everything figured out, it just means showing up and being myself. I was made to be present; right here and now. I was made for THIS moment. It sounds crazy, but God’s had this planned my entire life – heck, before I was even born, and he will mold me into the best mom I can be for my child.
In every season of life, there is a reason – to bless us or make us stronger through trials, and God knows what is needed and what is to come. So whatever you’re going through today, or what you’ll go through tomorrow, whether a huge blessing or unshakeable struggle, know that this moment was made for you, and you were made for this. So show up and celebrate the life that was created for you.
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